I ask lots of questions. I find people, their projects, and their businesses fascinating! I'll always have my hand up after a lecture or a talk. Not to comment, but to extract the next bit of wisdom from the speaker.
I've noticed that other people make statements that sound like they have question marks at the end. Or a long, discursive comment, followed by, "what do you say?"
When I am asking, it is because I want an answer. I seek data from my interlocutor. I tell people that the things others say counts as data. Even the opinion of another person is a fact. Person X holds opinion Y - that gets filed away.
Over hundreds of conversations, I have developed a four-step technique for interviewing. This quartet gives me the best results in extracting information.
First, I thank the person. I establish a connection with what they have already said and express my gratitude for it. A readback of what they said or highlighting something I found particularly helpful can go a long way. A lot of people are secretly afraid of being ignored. Or worse: that they are not worth the attention. A little gratitude eases this fear. They become more receptive to inquiry.
Second, I place the person's memory on the subject I want to discuss. "Let's go back to what you said a minute ago, when..." "Can we turn back to slide 17?" "Let's project this forward..." Taking a couple of sentences to re-state the context helps. The interviewee gets time to think about that idea for a minute while I speak. I risk looking like a bloviator while I buy time, but the intent is to let the subject catch up to where I want to go.
Third, I prompt the interviewee with a simple request. "can you talk about that for a minute?" "What does that mean to you?" "Can you tell a story about that?" These either ask for an extension of an idea or digging into the evidence.
Asking for a story is a great way to collect data without implying falsity. For example, posing, "can you give me an example" suggests there might not be an example. The story gives room for them to make their point a different way. Sometimes they even change the judgment they were making. Either way, I learn.
Fourth, I wait in silence. The point of asking a question is to let the other person answer. Now is the time for quiet. The gravitational power of silence pulls words and ideas from the subject to the void between you. You need only use your ears to listen.
Let them speak. Offer thanks. Then start again.
When I combine these into a conversational flywheel, I get extraordinary results. I learn what the next person does not. The other person feels heard, and I am wealthier with their knowledge and wisdom.
This technique works in many settings. At a breakfast table, I will ask people about their work until I find someone looking to share more, and then I can start the flywheel of questions.
At a conference, I will raise my hand after a speaker when the rest of the audience has petered out to get that last minute of wisdom.
In one-on-one settings, such as conference hallways, I use the flywheel for diving deep into how people work.
I use these techniques because they work and create value for everyone around me. We learn when we give others the chance to teach us. I hope that any interested person can use this method to learn more and let others share in the data!
Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash